Sunday 29 May 2016

Hedging Your Bets: Yew-Phoric

Post #125
ORIGINAL SONG: "Hot Blooded" 1978, Foreigner.
PARODY COMPOSED: Giorgio Coniglio, May 2016.

KEYWORDS: wordplay, retirement, goldenoldy


(to the tune of "Hot Blooded")

Wishful thinking -
magnificent specimens of  'Japanese yew'
for sale at a Brazilian nursery: web-image

Well, I'm euphoric, planned a new hedge
Down my property at its western edge.
Screen out neighbor, with garage piled with stuff.
I'm YEW-phoric, I'm YEW-phoric.  

I won't have to see the junk, ev'ry day you bring in your trunk.
Discount plants that you buy
Spread out on your drive, some dead some half-alive .
I won't care where you pot them after they die.

I'll restrict your sins, secret forays with your garbage bins. 
While I've been away, I know you use my walk on garbage day.

It's called Podocarpus, or Japanese yew
Grows quite tightly, blocks objectable view 
Walkway from author's main door
(side of patio-home) runs to street,
now bounded by 33 yew plants
 on the right hand side of property.
Screen this neighbor, who spreads out all her junk
I'm YEW-phoric, YEW-phoric.

My first scheme denied - planting zone can't be on your side.
Shall we break off the talks?
But I needed space next to line; more space at property line, 
Near killed me, used hot crow-bar, smashed half-foot off my brick walk. 

Do you love to hoard? And pile your yard up with old bricks and boards?
Buy old junk on binge? Old bent Santa-sign with rusty fringe?

Now I'm euphoric - more privacy
Bought their stock out, planted all thirty-three
Screened out neighbor, with garage piled with stuff
I'm YEW-phoric, I'm YEW-phoric.

(Electric guitar or ukulele solo)

I'll track down your sins, secret forays with your garbage bins 
If I find snipped yews, I'll assume a crime by you-know-who.

Yeah, I'm euphoric, new privacy hedge
Blocks invading weeds like knotweed and sedge
Screened out neighbor, who spreads out all her trash
I'm YEW-phoric, I'm YEW-phoric.

Eureka! Hedge that's so neat
A year of growth - should get to five feet
YEW-phoric; it reduces my stress
YEW-phoric; screens out all her mess  
YEW-phoric; it grows pretty dense
YEW-phoric; hides her lawn ornaments  
YEW-phoric; it's making me dance
YEW-phoric; these are dense fence-plants .......

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