Poem "The Chaos" Revisited: "CHAOS TALK" - A Singable Version

POST #79
PASTICHE with PARODY-LYRICS

ORIGINAL POEM:   "The Chaos" by Gerard Nolst Trenité, 1920. 
ORIGINAL SONG: "Limbo Rock", as recorded 1962 by Chubby Checker.

PARODY COMPOSED: Giorgio Coniglio, June, 2015.
WORDPLAY LINK: The updated complete poem by G. Coniglio can be found on "Giorgio's Weekly Wordplay" at post #32.



KEYWORDS: language, goldenoldy, wordplay

Original version of the poem "The Chaos"

“The Chaos” is a poem written by the Dutch writer and English-teacher Gerard Nolst Trenité as a comment on the difficulty of English pronunciation. The work was published by the author in various versions (of increasing length) over the period 1920 to 1944; it has frequently appeared unattributed with some re-editing.

I have made changes quite liberally in the poem in adapting it, including 1) removing lines with dated language, 2) giving priority to American rather than British pronunciation, 3) making it singable, including a touch of  Caribbean lilt in relation to the Original Song, 4) changing the politically-incorrect context with the implied female character now serving as the language expert as well as the inspiration,  5) creating some thematic stanzas based on the subject matter of the problematic words, and 6) adding a last stanza to emphasize the learner's problem of accenting the correct syllable.

Dr. Gerard Nolst Trenité, 
1870-1946

CHAOS TALK 
(a singable revision of 'The Chaos')

(to the tune of "Limbo Rock")

Greatest creature God create -

Teacher, please enunciate.

Show how sounds should auscultate

Make my head to oscillate.

Heat up versions in your verse

Words like corpse, corps, horse, hoarse, hearse

Tear in eye, tear dress and worse

Tersely parse, or pierce your purse.

History of a billet-doux  -

....
....
....

Accent's hard to get correct

As in current or connect

Segment, portrait they portray

Moray, banquet and filet.

Insight, inquest and intent

Recent recipe, cement

Exit or exist, exude

Concert and request - conclude!

Performing Notes: 

The chord pattern is the same for all verses, and is quite easy. The trick is to clinch the Caribbean rhythm with heavy beats on 2 and 4. and the English lyrics ending just before the 4th downbeat for every line. Another nice trick is to to employ voicing versions for the C and G7 chords (5,4,3,3, and 4,5,3,2 respectively), which allow downward NewYork strumming (for percussion effect)  for the 4 and 4.5 counts in most lines (the F9 and G7 chords can also be adapted to do this for the last few line of each verse).

Fadd9 = 0010.

Paean to Courageous Parodists: Stealthy AIR-Space Man (Poules Mouillées)

POST #71
PARODY-LYRICS

ORIGINAL SONG: "Secret Agent Man" recorded by Johnny Rivers, 1966.

PARODY COMPOSED: Giorgio Coniglio, January 2015.

KEYWORDS: songwriting, goldenoldy 

Explanatory notes: 

nom-de-guerre (Fr) literally war-name, is the equivalent of  pen-name or pseudonym.

plume (Fr) - it is important to note that plume can mean either pen or feather. In current English nom-de-plume is used as a sophisticated term for pen-name, (but Victorians sometimes also used the term nom-de guerre). 

poule mouillée (Fr), literally wet chicken, is the slang equivalent of wimp.

satire (Fr)– same meaning as in English, sounds almost like sad tear.

satyre (Fr) -  pronounced identically, means sex-maniac, flasher (original term is derived from the satyr, a mythical Greek half-man/half-goat).

AIR or A.I.R. - insiders' name for a web-site AmIRight.com, which publishes parody-song lyrics.

STEALTHY AIR-SPACE MAN

(to the tune of "Secret Agent man")

There’s a barnyard filled with free-range spoofsters
Some young, some dead, most old; few hens, most roosters
As critics they take aim
No guts to face the blame
So temporary chicken-names they borrow.

Stealthy AIR-space man

Stealthy AIR-space man

You’ve typed your daily nom-de-plume; you’re hidd’n by chicken-names.

Playing golf – no spoofs to slay on Sunday.

Slinging vitriolic comments Monday.

You cluck and peck and call us dopes,

While trashing creative hopes

With pseudonymic chicken-names you borrow.

Stealthy AIR-space man

Stealthy AIR-space man

You’ve typed your daily nom-de-plume; you’re hidd’n by chicken-names.

The French provoked, invoke their noms-de-guer-re

They’re fierce, so in both tongues you need bewa-re

Word-pair satire/satyre - 

Best get the meaning clear,

Or you may face épées at dawn tomorrow.

Stealthy AIR-space man

Stealthy AIR-space man

You’ve typed your daily nom-de-plume; you’re hidd’n by chicken-names.

We all feel we should honor our French cousins,

The sad events have set the planet buzzing.

Whatever else you say, can’t call them “poules mouillées” (wimps)

We hang our heads and contemplate in sorrow.

But that AIR-space man

Stealthy AIR-space man

He’s typed his daily nom-de-plume; he’s hidd’n by chicken-names. 

Tribute to "A Man Without a Country": Vonnegut

POST #70
PARODY-LYRICS

ORIGINAL SONG: "Imagine" by John Lennon 1971.

PARODY COMPOSED: Giorgio Coniglio, January

2015. 

Kurt Vonnegut 1922-2007, was known as a pacifist intellectual, humanist, and accomplished writer; his popular novels including 'Slaughterhouse-Five' according to Wikipedia, "blended satire, gallows-humor and science-fiction".

As a tribute I created a complete list of KVs books within the confines of the tune of "Imagine"; there are some awfully good titles. What could be said that would summarize KV's humanist philosophy better than the compelling lyrics of the original song? And Lennon's title "Imagine" also seemed pretty apt to characterize KVs fiction.

VONNEGUT

(to the tune of "Imagine")

Kurt wrote “Player Piano”,
“Cat’s Cradle”, “Deadeye Dick”,
“Sirens of Titan”,
“Galapagos”, “Slapstick”,
“Canary in a Cathouse”,
“Timequake”, “Palm Sunday”.

Kurt wrote “Breakfast of Champions”,
“’Tween Time and Timbuktu”,
“Fates Worse than Death” and “Happy
Birthday for Wanda June”,

“Welcome to the Monkey House”,
My fave - “Slaughterhouse-five”

We might think he’s atheistic,
Though some titles invoke God *
- Bitter, tender, humanistic,
Traits today we find so odd.

Kurt wrote “Wampeters, etc”,
“God Bless You” – R. and K. *,
“Jailbird”, “Bagombo Snuff Box”,
“Mother Night”, “God’s Handshake”,
“Hocus Pocus”, “Bluebeard”, “A
Man with No Country”.

We might say he's a dreamer
In the limits of this rhyme - 
I hope someday he'll join us,
His spirit "unstuck in time".

* “God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater”, “God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian”, “Like Shaking Hands with God”. 
Note that a few of the titles were changed slightly to fit the pacing. 

Rigoletto Updated: Dawn and Her Mobile-Phone

POST #69
PARODY-LYRICS

ORIGINAL SONG: "La Donna È Mobile", From Rigoletto, Giuseppe Verdi, 1873.

PARODY COMPOSED: Giorgio Coniglio, January, 2015.

KEYWORDS: opera, classicsong, diet-and-health 

DAWN AND HER MOBILE-PHONE

(to the tune of "La Donna È Mobile")

Dawn had her mobile-phone
Ringer turned off t'nite
SUV out of sight,
Kids left at home alone.

Not in the neighborhood
Checked with her relatives
 - Reason she always gives, 
"You men screwed up good." 

Dawn had her mobile-phone
Ringer turned off t'nite
SUV out of sight
Kids left alone
Kids left alone
Ey-ey ey-ey, kids left alone. 

Misery is my lot,
Trusted her analyst,
Her medication list
Just won't mix with pot.

Yet one can't give up hope
Of happiness restored;
She'll come back when she's bored
And smoked all her dope.

Dawn had her mobile-phone
Power turned off once more
She'll come back when she's bored
And smoked all her dope.
Smoked all her dope
Ey-ey, ey-ey Smoked all her dope.



Performing Notes: 

[C] Dawn had her [G] mobile-phone
Ringer turned [C] off t'nite
SUV [G] out of sight,
Kids left at home [C] alone.

[C] Not in the [G] neighborhood
Checked with her [C] relatives
 - Reason she [G] always gives, 
"You men screwed [C] up good." 

[D] Dawn had her [G] mobile-phone
[A] Ringer turned off t'nite
[G] SUV [C] out of sight
 [F] Kids [C] left [G] a-[C]-lone
 [G] [C] [F] Kids [C] left [G] a-[C]-lone
[G] [C] ey,ey [G] [C]ey,ey [F] kids [C] left [G] a-[C]-lone. 

[C] Misery [G] is my lot,
Trusted her [C] analyst,
Her medi[G]cation list
It just won't mix [C] with pot.

[C] Yet one can't [G] give up hope
Of happi[C]ness restored;
She'll come back [G] when she's bored
And smoked all her [C] dope.

[D] Dawn had her [G] mobile-phone
Power turned [A] off once more
[G] She'll come back [C] when she's bored
And [F] smoked [C] all [G] her [C] dope.
[G] [C] [F] Smoked [C] all [G] her [C] dope
[G] [C] ey,ey [G] [C]ey,ey [F] Smoked [C] all [G7] her [C] dope.

Bocelli and Brightman Sing: Time To Say It. Right

POST #63
PARODY-LYRICS

ORIGINAL SONG: "Con Te Partirò / Time To Say It Right", 1995, best-known version is a duet by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli. 

PARODY COMPOSED: Giorgio Coniglio, December 2014.

KEYWORDS: modernsong, multicultural

Italophiles like me applaud the absorption of Italian (It.) words into English through exposure to Italian food, coffee, wine and music. However in a few instances one gets rattled by mistakes such as the widespread use of ‘panini’ (sandwich-rolls) and ‘biscotti’ (cookies) applied to the singular items.

WITH TEA JUST ONE ROLL

 /TIME TO SAY IT. RIGHT

(to the tune of "Con Te Partirò")

SARAH:

Quando sola ho bisogno, qui vicino, di 
Mangiar’ un bel panino. 

I don’t know what they might mean, 
Don’t feel so keen when they insist it’s 'a panini' 
Won’t they bring just one roll per me con té ?

Had a nice sandwich  

Last night – prosciutto and formaggi – while at Fiumicino 

Just one filled me up 

More than a raviolo or linguino.

Time to  say It. right: single nouns don’t end in ‘i’

Just one sandwich-roll with my tea; I’ll leave a nice tip for you. 

Con té UN panino –  like ‘vino’ or ‘Dino’ – you ought to know. 

No, no, no, don’t serve it right now – It’s time for transfer-flight. 

ANDREA:

Quando pranzo solo arrivato negli Stati, 

Mi occorre un biscotto 

“You ought to get one free -a biscotti”, they say .

With one hot drink – you’ve got coffee or tea  

Gratuito ‘one biscotti’ con caffé o té, caffé o té…  

Time to say It. right: single nouns don’t end in ‘i’ 
Just one crunchy treat with caffé; I’ll leave a nice tip for you.

Caffé e UN biscotto – it rhymes with ‘risotto’ – you ought to know.

No, no, no don’t bring it right now – they’ve rebooked my next flight.

BOTH:

Time to try  - you bet; ‘cause It. and its rules take work to get.
No, plurals in ‘s’ don’t exist, it’s different from Spanish-

Time to say it right. 

Say It. right!

ENGLISH VERSION:

SARAH:

When alone, no phone, arrived State-side, near here I crave 

A crisp Italian roll’a: 

It’s so unlike a bagel, 

Crust so flaky, and it doesn’t have a hole’a 

Won’t they bring one here, for me, with tea. 

ANDREA:

Hanging with my buds, and checking out the scene, I hanker 

For an almond-flavored biscuit.   

It’s not like a burrito – has no beans   

And they don’t even have to fix it.    
Biscuit for free with coffee; it’s free with tea, it’s free with tea.   

Performing Notes

[G] Quando sola ho bisogno, qui vicino, di 

Mangiar’ un bel pa[F]ni[C]no. 

I don’t [G] know what they might mean, 
Don’t feel so keen when they insist it’s 'a pa[F]ni[C]ni' 
[G] Won’t they bring just [F] one [Am] roll per [F] me con [G] té ?

[C] Had a nice [G] sandwich  

Last [Am] night – pro[F]sciutto and formaggi – while at Fiumi[G]cino 

[C] Just one filled me [G] up 

More than a ravi[F]olo or lin[G]guino.

[C] Time to  [G] say It. [Am] right:[F]  [C] single nouns [G]  don’t end in [Am] ‘i’

Just [F] one sandwich- roll with my [C] tea; I’ll [G] leave a nice tip for you. 

[C] Con té [G] UN pani[Am]no – [F]  like [C] ‘vino’ or ‘Dino’ – [G] you ought to [Am] know. 

[F] No, no, no, don’t  serve it right [C] now – It’s [F] time for [G7] transfer-[C]-flight. 

[D] Time to [A] try  - you [Bm] bet;[G]  ‘cause [D] It. and its rules take [A] work to [Bm] get.

No, [G] plurals in ‘s’ don’t ex[D]ist, it’s [G] different from [A] Spanish-

[D] Time to [A] say it [Bm] right. G, D,  A,  Bm,  G,   D

[G] Say [A] It. [D] right!

Alice in Wonderland, Medical Version: "THE VALGUS AND THE CARBUNCLE"

POST #46
PARODY-POEM, with suggestions for singing

ORIGINAL POEM:  "The Walrus and the Carpenter", Lewis Carroll, set in part to music in the Disney animated cartoon, 1951.

PARODY PUBLISHED: CMAJ 1995, J Nucl Cardiol 1999, reprinted here with permission of the author.

Explanation of the parody lyrics: A historical vignette......In the 1990s, attempts to streamline medical care resulted in the propagation of standardized patient-care protocols, clinical  guidelines, and “continuous quality-care initiatives”; these efforts were concurrent with extensive bed closures, reduced hospital stays, and expanded use of day-care procedures. Some health care workers felt that such developments were primarily economically motivated, and that care had been depersonalized. These lines compare the plight of assembly-line patients to the unfortunate oysters in Carroll’s poem.

THE VALGUS AND THE CARBUNCLE

(poem, can be sung to the Disney version)

“ O Patients, come pre-op with us ”

The guidelines did beseech.

“ A stick, a pee, an ECG,

Some gas, the CUT, the street –

We cannot deal with motions four,

And give a pan to each. ”

“ Your gastric tubes can be recycled

In the blue box there:

Send us a card, e-mail or fax

To say you’re passing air;

And as you leave fill in your Satis-

faction Questionnaire ! ”

“ Next month you’ll find our parking rates

Conveni-ently low:

For total hips, and I-and-Ds

Alice, with
Tweedledum and Tweedledee

And fixing your great toe -

Our waiting-line for porcine valves

No longer moves so slow ! ”

“ Our king-sized rooms for CABGs

Can tempt you while you’re here; 

Or Seven Maids Home Services 

Will lease for half a year. “

But no one spoke, because they had

Shoved off, with all their gear.

Oysters in their oyster-beds

Medical Lexicon: 
stick: nobody dares say 'needleprick' anymore, at least not in N. America
ECG: electrocardiogram, also abbreviated as EKG in the British context
gastric tube: more properly, a naso-gastric tube, device inserted postoperatively to collect saliva and secretions while awaiting spontaneous recovery of gastrointestinal function 
I-and-D: incision and drainage, a surgical procedure to treat local infection
total hip: orthopedic surgeon's jargon for prosthetic replacement of both components of the hip joint
porcine: referring to the source of biologic heart valve replacements
CABG: coronary artery bypass grafting, an important treatment for vascular heart disease (partially blocked arteries)  

HOTLINKS TO OTHER MEDICAL-THEMED SONG-POSTINGS

Adenoma

Avitaminoses 

As We Nuke It

Flaking Out is What They Do

Mel and His Hernia

Mergerwocky

Off-Patent Drug#19

Prostate Cancer

Reflux Romp

R-I-C-E

The Uniqueness of Nuclear

The Valgus and the Carbuncle (see below)

Under My Own Steam part#1

Under My Own Steam part#2

Where Has Neurosyphylis Gone?

...AND A FEW LIMERICK-BASED SONGS

Singable Limerick-Medley #17: Nuclear Cardiology

Singable Limerick-Medley #20: Medical Imaging

UKULELE-FRIENDLY FORMAT

(Click on any chord-chart slide to move to 'song-presentation mode'; then navigate through thumbnails at bottom of page.)

Suggested chords follow: 

[C] “ O Patients, come pre-op with us ”

The [F] guidelines [G7] did be[C]seech.

[C] “ A stick, a pee, an ECG,

Some [F] gas, the [G7] CUT, the [C] street –

We cannot deal with [Am] motions four,

And [F] give a [G7] pan to [C] each. ”

etc.