POST #46
PARODY-POEM, with suggestions for singing
PARODY-POEM, with suggestions for singing
ORIGINAL POEM: "The Walrus and the Carpenter", Lewis Carroll, set in part to music in the Disney animated cartoon, 1951.
PARODY PUBLISHED: CMAJ 1995, J Nucl Cardiol 1999, reprinted here with permission of the author.
Explanation of the parody lyrics: A historical vignette......In the 1990s, attempts to streamline medical care resulted in the propagation of standardized patient-care protocols, clinical guidelines, and “continuous quality-care initiatives”; these efforts were concurrent with extensive bed closures, reduced hospital stays, and expanded use of day-care procedures. Some health care workers felt that such developments were primarily economically motivated, and that care had been depersonalized. These lines compare the plight of assembly-line patients to the unfortunate oysters in Carroll’s poem.
THE VALGUS AND THE CARBUNCLE
“ O Patients, come pre-op with us ”
The guidelines did beseech.
“ A stick, a pee, an ECG,
Some gas, the CUT, the street –
We cannot deal with motions four,
And give a pan to each. ”
“ Your gastric tubes can be recycled
In the blue box there:
Send us a card, e-mail or fax
To say you’re passing air;
And as you leave fill in your Satis-
faction Questionnaire ! ”
“ Next month you’ll find our parking rates
Conveni-ently low:
For total hips, and I-and-Ds
 |
| Alice, with Tweedledum and Tweedledee |
Our waiting-line for porcine valves
No longer moves so slow ! ”
“ Our king-sized rooms for CABGs
Can tempt you while you’re here;
Or Seven Maids Home Services
Will lease for half a year. “
But no one spoke, because they had
Shoved off, with all their gear.
Medical Lexicon:
stick: nobody dares say 'needleprick' anymore, at least not in N. America
ECG: electrocardiogram, also abbreviated as EKG in the British context
gastric tube: more properly, a naso-gastric tube, device inserted postoperatively to collect saliva and secretions while awaiting spontaneous recovery of gastrointestinal function
I-and-D: incision and drainage, a surgical procedure to treat local infection
total hip: orthopedic surgeon's jargon for prosthetic replacement of both components of the hip joint
porcine: referring to the source of biologic heart valve replacements
CABG: coronary artery bypass grafting, an important treatment for vascular heart disease (partially blocked arteries)
UKULELE-FRIENDLY FORMAT
Suggested chords follow:
etc.
 |
| Oysters in their oyster-beds |
Medical Lexicon:
stick: nobody dares say 'needleprick' anymore, at least not in N. America
ECG: electrocardiogram, also abbreviated as EKG in the British context
gastric tube: more properly, a naso-gastric tube, device inserted postoperatively to collect saliva and secretions while awaiting spontaneous recovery of gastrointestinal function
I-and-D: incision and drainage, a surgical procedure to treat local infection
total hip: orthopedic surgeon's jargon for prosthetic replacement of both components of the hip joint
porcine: referring to the source of biologic heart valve replacements
CABG: coronary artery bypass grafting, an important treatment for vascular heart disease (partially blocked arteries)
HOTLINKS TO OTHER MEDICAL-THEMED SONG-POSTINGS
The Valgus and the Carbuncle (see below)
...AND A FEW LIMERICK-BASED SONGS
Singable Limerick-Medley #17: Nuclear Cardiology
Singable Limerick-Medley #20: Medical Imaging
(Click on any chord-chart slide to move to 'song-presentation mode'; then navigate through thumbnails at bottom of page.)
Suggested chords follow:
[C] “ O Patients, come pre-op with us ”
The [F] guidelines [G7] did be[C]seech.
[C] “ A stick, a pee, an ECG,
Some [F] gas, the [G7] CUT, the [C] street –
We cannot deal with [Am] motions four,
And [F] give a [G7] pan to [C] each. ”
etc.
